I can't stand it anymore. I have to write about the latest idiot political candidate to open his yap and just allow stupid comments to fall out. I'm talking about you, Congressman Akin. If only I could shut my body down when something terrible happens. Maybe then I wouldn't have had to listen to what you think about 'legitimate' rape. This is what you said...'during legitimate rape the female body has a way to shut that whole thing down'. Really? Are you a doctor? A rape victim? A woman? And what is illegitimate rape? What an asinine statement.
The thing that really gets to me is that I don't believe this man has an ounce of sense and is just ignorant concerning women. And perhaps politics. And he's part of our governing body. I've read up on the Congressman since he made the statement and no matter how much he tries to back pedal now I think perhaps this is actually how he thinks. He's touted as being a 'Bible based Christian' and wanted to enforce a National Day of Prayer. We can pray all we want and any time we want....we don't need the Congressman to give us a day. And don't you think, Congressman, that God would be pretty overloaded on that one day? Would it be a legitimate thing to do to God? Or something that is just silly in light of all the other things that need work concerning the government and the state of the country.
I am truly tired of men deciding what women should do with their bodies. I am sick to death of having to listen to men blather on about the abortion issue and what is a legitimate rape. Men who have no idea how it feels to be raped or no idea what it feels like to have to even make a decision about having an abortion. Excuse me, Congressman, but aren't men the real problem here?Men who think they can just take what they want with no remorse or consequence? The woman is raped and who are you blaming? Who are you wanting to decide if it was a legitimate rape or not? Who gets to see the stick turn blue? I am sad for you. You are an idiot. I just hope you can get your body to shut down before you feel the pain of not being re-elected.
Oh dear. I have a new obsession. I have discovered pod casts and I can't quit listening to them. There are tiny little plugs in my ears almost all day long. I listen to them on my iPod and I watch the video casts on my computer. I can't stop. Help!
In the world of pod casting there are many, many genres to pick from and I had no idea that any of this was binging around between and above my house, radio towers, computers, satellites and iPods. I've heard the word 'podcast' before but I never gave it much thought. Now I am trapped in Podcast Hell. There is too much to listen to. However...it has saved me from the plague of bad TV. Then again....there is also a plague of bad pod casts. Trapped, I tell you. Trapped.
Right now I'm stuck on knitting pod casts and there are a couple of them that I really enjoy. I've been going back in time and listening or watching all their old episodes and it's like being on crack. I can't get enough. Both of these shows have at least two people involved and the banter between them is fun to listen to. In addition I've discovered more places to spend money on yarn, yarny things, and new patterns. Both these shows give detailed book reviews and I enjoy that as well. It's like being in a yarn shop and hearing what others have knit, what yarn they used and how the project is turning out only I'm in my jammies on the couch.
I don't know what I am going to do when I run out of these to listen to because after searching a bit I've found that with the good there is also the bad. It's the same with everything. Good and bad go hand in hand. I'm sure if you are reading this you're thinking 'why doesn't she just give up this blog shit and get a life?' I've asked myself the same question but there is no answer as yet. In the podcast world, along with the good, there are such bad ones that I can't listen for more than 2 minutes because the voice is horrible, boring, or creepy. At least you don't have to hear me speak. There are eye-rollers, hair players, and hand flippers. There are people with so many off putting mannerisms that I feel if I watch long enough I will unintentionally start doing all of them myself. There are baby-talkers and low talkers and bad laughers. There are people who are so close to their camera that they scare me. And there are people who sound like they are sitting in a closet talking to themselves. Sometimes there is a lot of dead air and a ton of 'ums'. I feel like they are hiding from something and they give me the creeps.
I've also discovered that my meager little yarn stash is nothing compared to what other people have. I thought I had a lot of yarn but no. There are people out there with closets and closets full of yarn and fiber and they want to show it to you and talk about it. Then they go buy more and show you that. Some of the video pod casts are like an episode of 'Hoarders' where there is so much stuff that you can barely see the person talking. There are cats and dogs jumping around. There are big glugs of pop being drunk. There is, of course, burping. And there is SO much yarn. There are people who spin and own five or six wheels. And a hundred bobbins. And 20 spindles. And batt after batt after batt of fiber. And then....they knit up just hideous things with all this yarn and hold them up to the camera so that we can see all the holes and bunk stitches. It's hilarious in a really bad way. Such an excess of things with no good output to show for it.
I'm trapped I tell you. I am fascinated by what some people do with their lives and why they think we all want to know about it. I am gobsmacked by the amount of money being spent but then I am thrilled when there is a new episode in one of the shows I enjoy. Sigh. I guess it's like anything else...too much of anything is too much.
Alas, I am not done with the Level 1 Master Knitting deal. I got it back from the reviewers on Friday...It was only gone for a month....and there are some corrections I must make before I can pass onto the next level. Damn.
I was so excited to hear the doorbell ring and have the postman standing on my steps with a package because I knew just what was inside. My results! Hooray! I ripped the box open and found 4 sheets of paper to read in addition to my lovely blue binder. They really liked my binder and the organizational skills I possess in putting it together. That cracked me up because my yarn at home is in piles on the floor right now and the laundry room is in total disarray because there are still Christmas dishes from last year to put away. And my dryer doesn't work. I am so not organized but apparently I can pull it together it I have to.
I read all four pages and found that 1) I have to re-knit four swatches and 2) I still don't get figuring gauge. Oh, I understand putting a ruler down on a piece of knitting and then counting the stitches in 4 inches to see if I am anywhere in the ball park on needle size but figuring percentages and adding or subtracting decimal points is beyond my capabilities and makes me just want to cry. There were 2 pages in the program dedicated to gauge and I didn't do any of it right. The gal reviewing my work was very nice about it and said that 'their math didn't match my math'. I was thrilled that I wasn't told to quit while I was ahead and never knit again. Math has never been my strong suit. Hell....I have no suit at all. I can't add eights and I didn't learn that 8 plus 7 was fifteen until I started bowling.
Math has been the bane of my existence all my life and I am stumped as to how I produced a daughter who took and excelled in calculus in high school. There is no answer. My brain is skewed more towards art and reading and sewing. There is no room for math and since my brain seems to be shrinking with age I don't feel the need to try and cram anymore in there. I can sew a wedding gown up like no body's business and I can do what I call 'sewing math' but that's where it ends. I probably use my 'sewing math' in my knitting and because I just made up my sewing math years and years ago I think that is good enough. It has served me well in the dress making business but not so much in knitting.
In sewing you start with a blank canvas of several flat yards of fabric and then create a three dimensional object. That fits. In knitting I have to create the fabric and do the shaping as I go. This is totally backwards for me. I can make an entire wedding party of dresses faster than I can knit a sweater. And the dresses will fit....all bets are off on the sweater. I don't know how to remedy this. I feel like a dolt and that I should just go sit in a corner. This is why the 'simple math' remark from the designer of the stinkin' baby sweater stung so much. I can't do simple math. It just doesn't compute. I have a black hole in my brain where the math part should be.
There were a few nice compliments in the four pages from the reviewer that kind of softened the blow. I apparently can change colors in mid row and not leave a trace. She said I had done some of the best color changing she has ever seen. And that my tail weaves are especially lovely. Also, I knit beautifully. That helped. If it doesn't fit at least it looks beautiful. Never mind that wad of knitting up around your neck...the knitting is beautiful.
I shall press on. I am not quitting. I have re-knit 3 of the swatches already and am about to cast on for the fourth. I had a wonky SKP involved in two of them and it turns out that there was a misprint in the directions that I followed to the letter so in essence I did them right but since I have that whole math/gauge nightmare still hanging over my head I looked up the correct way to manipulate an SKP and got on with my life. Today I am going to read the gauge stuff again and see if anything sticks. The calculus daughter is stopping over so I'm going to try to wrangle her into sitting down and reading it as well. I just hope it all doesn't end in tears like it did when I was in fourth grade and had to try to learn how to divide.
I did it. I managed to finish this stinky little sweater with only a couple of days left to weave in the ends and block the dinky little thing before presenting it at the check-in table at the Fair. I feel better with it out of my house. My house feels better with it gone. The cat has even relaxed. I believe there was some kind of bad knitting mojo in this thing.
During my final attempt to finish the yoke I stopped pissing and moaning and just knit the hell out if it. I read the pattern over one last time and then went at it with a vengeance. I might have even softly said 'En Garde'! There was nothing new in the pattern so I did indeed go rouge and began to make stuff up. I drew myself a picture of what I thought it should look like and I just knit from that. There was no 18 month old child sitting around to try it on so I'm not sure if the sweater will even button at the neck without a strangulation issue but I pressed on anyway and knit the collar. This sweater should come with a warning label...Caution! Buttoning this sweater could be injurious to your child's health. Perhaps I need some of those printed up.
I will knit another child's sweater because I want to try my hand at one of those beautiful Norwegian sweaters and I do have a couple of 6 year olds at my disposal for fitting purposes. This sweater taught me a lesson. Go rouge. Quit being such a whiny baby and do what you know you can do. Knit. While being tormented by this stinky little blue sweater I realized that yes, I am able to knit off the chart and can do whatever I want to in order to get the thing off my lap. I don't need no stinkin' simple math.
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